Today, my dears, I would like to share with you a story of one of my clients who I have been working with for the last year.
I am aware that a work of an Image Consultant has not been explained well enough so far either in media or any other widely available sources. And because of that it sounds a bit mysterious. Most people would confuse it easily with a Personal Stylist .
It is so much more to that though.
I met Ania (who is in her mid 40s) over 2 years ago at her house where both she and her husband used to run prayer meetings on weekly basis.
Before coming to England she got her degree as a nurse. Now she shares her life between home and a local Convent where she works on a part-time basis. Ania and her family have been a part of life of Koinonia John the Baptist (a Roman – Catholic community) for the last few years.
Ania strikes as a very open and friendly person. She is always very hospitable and eager to help anyone who needs help.
However the first impression was a completely different experience. When you used to look at Ania anything but not the above characteristics used to come to one’s mind.
The moment that encouraged Ania to make changes in the way she used to look was a celebration of First Communion of her younger son.
As a mother and a woman she wanted to look her best on the day.
We have focused on finding her most flattering colours (The Art of Colour Session), discovering her proportions, body lines, personal style and how to implement this into her everyday life (The Art of Style) and how to create a fully functional wardrobe (The Art of Coordinated Wardrobe). The three sessions were followed by an intensive mentoring programme that helped Ania to put into practice her new knowledge and skills.
I would like to add that all outfits used for the photo session belong to Ania and come from her personal wardrobe. Nothing has been arranged just for the sake of getting “a nice photo”.
Agnieszka: Please tell us more about your style and the lifestyle before we met back in May 2018.
Ania: To be honest with you, I do not really remember myself before I came to England in 2006. I used to be a lot slimmer and younger that I am now. I didn’t pay too much attention to the way I used to look like. I used to feel quite happy with the way I was.
I have become more aware of my appearance here in England. It hit me when I started shopping for clothes. I noticed that size 12 would be too small and size 14 would be too big for me. One of my friends advised me that “more expensive shops” would have more accurate sizing to the ones I used to go.
I have tried “more expensive shops” and although the sizing was more accurate there has been always something that did not tick all the boxes for me.
I did not know why not always certain clothes would not work for me. I never felt great in what I used to buy for myself. It made me very unhappy.
And because of that I have started to hate the whole shopping experience and I stopped buying new clothes. I decided to wear what I have already got. I stopped thinking about clothes and what I would wear. I felt OK with that. At least I thought so at the time.
Special occasions used to cause nightmares. I have never had anything nice and appropriate to wear. I started blaming myself. I blamed myself for the fact that I have been getting old, putting on weight… Everything has become so difficult. It used to be so much easier when I was slimmer and younger.
Agnieszka: You mentioned that you have started to perceive yourself in a more negative light…
Ania: I think that I have given up on myself. I started losing my strength gradually. I was unable to get a correct size of a blouse or a shirt. I have always struggled with my upper body. And I have given up. I used to pick black and grey coloured clothes only. Oversized tops. |I have given up on colours. I was unable to come up with any sensible colour coordination . Grey colour is quite easy to wear as it would go with anything. Grey clothes are easy to wash… I relied on that easiness. And then you stop thinking about yourself. You stop taking care of yourself. And you give up. You stop fighting. You stop being yourself.
Agnieszka: At that time did you think that the way you had become with yourself was a result of the fact that you were struggling with finding correct styles? And that your personality, your heart were not coherent with your physical appearance?
Ania: Probably not. I was unable to match those factors. I have been going through so many personal and family issues and I just gave up. I forgot about myself.
Agnieszka: What impact have had The Art of Style and The art of Colour sessions on you? During those session among other things we have discovered your most flattering colours and styles.
Ania: The sessions have had enormous impact on me and on the way I see myself now. I have to admit though that at the very beginning I found it difficult to see myself different to how I used to perceive myself. I could not see in me what you have been seeing and explaining me.
It takes time to understand and get to know oneself again. I have realised that despite the fact that I put on weight another half of a stone I do not feel fat. I feel great in the styles chosen for my silhouette. Going shopping has stopped to be a horrid experience although I have been still learning how to shop smart. I make mistakes but they do not stop me. I learn from then and I move on.
My friends very often would ask me whether I lost some weight recently (which I have not). It is a nice feeling to hear all these compliments. And I admit that a shopping at Bravissimo has changed my life and there is no going back.
Agnieszka: What about colours? Are grey and black still your go to colours?
Ania: No, there is no grey any more. I got myself a light blue spring coat. I have a bright yellow handbag. In the past all my handbags used to be either brown or black. Since I got that yellow handbag I have started to receive so many compliments. People started to notice me. Me. In the past I was unnoticable.
Now I get so many compliments. My friends would say how nice I look. I feel nice when I hear those things however still I find it difficult to embrace. I still feel shy when my friends would pay a compliment to me.
Agnieszka: Let me ask you about your shopping experience. Have you bought anything that would not suit you perfect? Style, size or color wise? And if so, why? Would you be able to name those reasons? Here I mean whether you have done any emotional shopping.
Ania: I must admit that I followed religiously all your advice, tips and recommendations while I was shopping for new clothes. I kept trying on anything I liked spending a considerable amount of time in a trying room assessing each garment and what it would do to my silhouette. Lots of inner fights and struggles I have had in trying rooms I must tell.
What I did not want to accept at first was the fact of adapting my wardrobe. I kept my old clothes as they have had very sentimental appeal to me. Also my clothes were in a very good condition I did not want to get rid of them so easily. I said to myself that I would wear them for work at the Convent only.
However quite quickly I realised that when wearing those clothes to work I did not feel great. I remembered what you said that even going to work I need to feel good.. like a million dollar woman. And I had to make that decision as I was sure that if had not done that I would have not feel completely free.
I packed them into black bags and got rid of them. And I feel great about that.
I only wear styles and colours that flatter me most. Sisters pay me compliments every morning when they see me at work. It helps me do my work so much better now.
Agnieszka: Brilliant. This is a siginificant progress. I am very happy listening to that.
Can you tell us what did you find most challenging during this experience?
Ania: My hair. I used to have very short haircut. Easy and comfy. I could not grasp the idea why I would look better in a longer haircut. So as the result of my struggles a few times I went to hairdresser to have my hair cut. That is why now it is still not a perfect length but I am getting there.
Another thing that I found difficult was to start thinking about myself on daily basis. To start applying make-up on daily basis.
When I put mascara on this is the time when I think about myself. Not about my family, friends or anyone who would need my attention or help. This is the time when I can think about myself.
When I put make up on I have the time to think about my beauty. I think about the beauty of my eyelashes. I think about the fact that I am pretty. I think about the way I look like. These are just few minutes over the course of a day but the time I spent on make-up every morning makes a big difference to me.
My family do not suffer because of that. They accepted the fact that those few minutes I spent in my room every morning are mine that they do not disturb me. My daughter stopped coming in to my room asking for my mirror as she needed to put make-up on. I got her another one. So now I have 5 minutes just for myself. I did not have had that time in the past because I forgot about myself.
Another thing was to learn again how I shall look at myself when I see myself in the mirror. In a full-length mirror. In the past I used to focus on negatives. on the bits I do not like. And now it was difficult to start looking at myself in a positive way, to start seeing my bust, my waist, hips and to understand why certain styles do not work for me.
Also I realised that when I used to look at the mirror I was not seeing my face, my head. Just my body from the neck down. I was looking at myself in parts.
Agnieszka: Changing the way you would perceive yourself is the most crucial part during this process. I am glad that you mention that. The most difficult part is to see ourselves exactly who we are at current stage of our live. We focus on certain bits and pieces, on parts we do not like or even detest (bust, hips etc) and we focus on illusions created by media refusing to see our true selves.
The change does not take place overnight. It is a quite long and very often painful process. Process of healing wounds is not too pleasant as one can imagine. It is a challenge that requires lots of patience and trust.
Ania: Now I find it a lot easier. This process has changed me completely. It reminded me who I am. It helped me to see my real shape and not the fact whether I am fat or not. It reminded me that I am a real woman. A beautiful woman.
When I look in the mirror I can see me. From head to toe. And not me in separate bit and pieces. I have become a coherent person. Inside me matches my physical appearance.
In the past when I used to look at myself in a mirror when I was trying a blouse or a dress I have never noticed my head, my face. As if I have had no face. This is what I realised just recently. As if I have had no identity. And I have no idea why I was doing that to myself. And this is the reason why I had issues to embrace the change regarding my haircut.
The odd thing is that now I am aware of who I am, what I am and what I live for. All makes sense now to me.
I can see that my teenage daughter looks up to me. I have become a more of a role model to her. It makes me very happy. My younger son notices that I look nice.
Agnieszka: Do you think that taking care of one’s appearance, I mean here that a woman’s image should be coherent with their values, personality, heart… do you think it is a catholic way?
Ania: Definitely yes. I believe in God, I believe He is my Father, he is my Friend so why not I should not be beautiful as he is Beauty.
If I go out to see my friends I make an effort and I wear nice clothes and I make sure I look my best, so when I go to a mass, to a church to meet my best friend so why I shall not make the same effort?
Wherever I go to run errands or to go to work I feel great as I know I look great. I feel unified with God. I feel beautiful because he is Beauty. And it happens when you start thinking about yourself. When you start looking and seeing yourself in the mirror the way you taught me.
The other day one of local priests told me that I was a God’s mirror. Because I am created in God’s image. Because I am beautiful. God looks into me as if He wanted to see how much of His is in me. He is the Light not the Darkness so why I have to wear dark colours? Why not wearing light colours? Why should I not be wearing red trousers and red top to go with that. My God is the King and me I am his daughter, his beloved princess.
Agnieszka: Thank you so much for your testimony. Thank you for your open heart as without that no change would have been possible.
